WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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