okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
