woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
