I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
