thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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