I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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