I hate your face
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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