just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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