My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
