Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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