what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
