At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
