I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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