my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
