You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
