so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
