Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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