Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
