After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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