Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
