STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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