Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
