I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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