Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
