are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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