just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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