omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
