I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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