Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
