I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
