Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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