How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
