I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
