I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
