My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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