i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
