Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
