Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
