I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Damn victory sex feels great
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