he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
