i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
