i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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