so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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