just tell him i said nine months
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
