and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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