the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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