Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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