When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
