I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Can I color on your dick again?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize
