I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
