you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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