He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
