Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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