her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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