I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
