They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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