hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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