i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
