i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
