do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
