does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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