Betty ford says i'm here all night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
