he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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