Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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