these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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