Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
