I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
