Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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