he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
