The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
